I don’t cook anymore. I used to enjoy cooking. I enjoyed cooking for Michaela, for friends, and family. Now cooking is so much work and doesn’t bring me all the feelings it did before.

Several good memories came up on today’s Facebook memories. A date night and a trip where we took time to go to board game cafes.

I live with chronic pain and so use the Spoon theory often to explain my energy levels. To summarize, basically every day you get so much energy or spoons when you start your day.

After having about 60 bracelet, I decided I wanted 100 bracelets and to bring them to our local LGBTQ center, on December 6th for Michaela’s birthday.

I usually have four to six books going at the same time. Usually a romance, a fantasy or science fiction, a dark romance, a literary fiction, a mystery/thriller, or something that is part of a series.

I miss so many things about you everyday. Everyday I miss hearing you laugh. I miss you talking to a client on the phone. I miss seeing you get lost in your work because you were so passionate about helping.

I had planned this tattoo when Michaela was alive and long before I met a few others that might be added to it one day, but mostly the stars are from friends I have known almost 25 years

I never imagined grief to impact my life in the ways it has hit me.  I feel so alone in it. No one knew her the way I did.

M did a q&a 16 years ago on Facebook.

One year while she was on the roof and needing a tool, she said “Mermaid! Mermaid, I need…” whatever the part she needed. I giggled as the nickname came through the walkie talkie.

I met someone new to me this past week. My dear friend introduces us and as she is headed out of the room the new person asks, “are you a hugger?” I automatically said, “yes” and as we are hugging, my dear friend turns around and says, “no, you aren’t.”

I made this t-shirt for myself as I feel feral.

I was going through some old photos of Michaela and I. I was remembering memories associated to the photos, but it spun off into more and more memories. Miss her so fucking much - miss us holding hands and snuggling on the couch as we watched Star Wars or Lord of the Rings.

On Saturday night, I went with friends to a drag show. It was at a place I had never been before. I knew the two people I was going with, in a place I have never been, and a type of event I haven’t ever been to before so as I was getting ready my anxiety started ramping up.

A month before Michaela died, we shaved our heads as Michaela was losing so much hair. It was a big thing for Michaela on her journey as a transgender woman. It was a hard decision, but when clumps were just falling out randomly on her as she went about her day it became too hard for her.

Every

Single

Day