Lost in Books

When I first moved to be here in Colorado with Michaela, one of the first things I did as a new resident was get my library card as soon as possible. Before I was able to establish that I was a resident, I used Michaela’s card to check out books because I am a reader. Books for me are entertainment as I don’t watch much TV especially these days, but they also are so much more. I can meet people and go to real and made up places. Books can show different perspectives, cultures, lives, and also be relatable  - where I have felt seen in ways I have never in my daily life. Books make me feel - deep belly laughs or sobs that drain me. They are political and they are fluff that don’t have deep meaning.

I usually have four to six books going at the same time. Usually a romance, a fantasy or science fiction, a dark romance, a literary fiction, a mystery/thriller, or something that is part of a series.

Since Michaela has died, I have read. And read. AND READ.

It is where I can escape into someone else’s story. It might touch in relatable topics of grief, someone going through cancer, relationships that remind me of mine, places, and people that spark memories of moments in my life. Overall though I get to focus on the story in front of me and forget the pain I live with everyday.

I can tell with my reading habits that I am isolating more and more. In 2025, it has been because of my physical health which can trigger grief and that grief can make my physical pain worse - a vicious circle feeding in on itself. I can barely leave my house because life is too hard with all the pain.

The books show how much I have stayed home.

I have read…

377 books in 2025 so far

408 books in 2024

280 books in 2023

239 books in 2022

201 books in 2021

225 books in 2020

Total 1,780

Days Michaela has been gone 1,988