Transgender Day of Visibility
Why do we need Transgender Visibility Day?
Being a secret creates issues with Transgender people living in fear because when they are a secret it allows them to be bullied, fear for safety in health care, housing needs, just daily living life and walking through the world.
Being visible creates a future of hope, love, and acceptance.
I don’t speak enough on Michaela being transgender. I want to though. It is such a weird dichotomy of me cherishing all the memories we made in her letting herself be herself so beautifully as they feel deeply personal and knowing I should talk about that journey more as she wanted the world to know she was transgender. It was one of the last conversations we had at our house before she went to the hospital and then hospice. She said, “Please tell everyone that I was transgender. Post it on my facebook page and apologize that I didn’t get to share it with everyone personally.” Yes, she used past tense - as it broke me.
So many memories feel so deeply personal, but I know she would have liked everyone to see what being Transgender meant to her. I wish I could pluck the memories out of my brain and play them like a movie - because I think seeing her reactions to painting her nails, picking out clothes when we were going to meet friends for coffee, when she was complimented on her nails or the shirt she was wearing - the Trans joy - it was so BEAUTIFUL. How can people want to deny that kind of joy to someone boggles my mind.
After she came out to more and more people - it always amazed her how accepting they were. Really those that didn’t accept her are in the minority. Means we chose the right people to have around us - those that love with beautiful open hearts. Those that didn’t accept her missed out on seeing the most beautiful aspects of her.
We were together 17 years and I have to say the last 5 years together were our happiest. Her coming out made her free of so much baggage and anger at the world. It opened her heart up even more - and she had a big heart to begin with, but her love for those that needed a voice and needed help just grew from the love and acceptance of herself.
Coming out scared the shit out of her. She told a couple people before me because even though she knows me and my heart - her fears let it cloud what she thought my reaction would be. It was scary for me when I first heard what she told me. It felt like she was changing and that meant she might not want our relationship - which was my own insecurities and fears so we all react in ways not aligned with the truth when we let fear guide us.
In actuality, her being transgender, made so much sense and made her more herself completely. It allowed for her accepting aspects of herself, that I loved about her in the first place, to be more prominent in our relationship. There were so many moments that made so much more sense after she came out. Luckily we let the foundation of our relationship help us through those early days - let our communication, not giving up on each other, and our love for each other - keep us moving forward together. I cherish the memories we made the last 5 years together. As I said some of my happiest memories with her came in those years.
I can’t imagine a world where she didn’t come out to me. I am so glad she was able to be herself and have so many people love and accept her as herself. Acceptance and love are the only two ways to be when people come out as transgender. Especially now with this administration that is trying to erase all of us LGBTQ people, but especially those that are Transgender.
