Alone

I never imagined grief to impact my life in the ways it has hit me.  I feel so alone in it. No one knew her the way I did. No one experienced all the little moments of joy and vulnerability with her like I did. No one went through the struggles and celebrations the way I did as her significant other.

We had a relationship that was unique, difficult, and beautiful all at the same time. We were together for 17 years and not one of those days would I exchange. I would experience all the highs and lows again just to have more time with her.

We talked about everything. We laughed together. We played together. We cried together in happy tears that usually came with deep belly laughs and also through pain and sorrow. We were each other’s strength when the other was struggling. We did all the mundane daily chores of life together. Nothing was done completely on our own. Even if I was the one washing dishes, I knew she was in her office doing work, but we were together doing this thing called life.

Now I am doing it alone. I have  friends and family that share in my life, but it will never be like it was with my beloved. I am alone in my grief.