I haven’t done a deep cleaning of my house in almost 2 years. I have been tackling areas now. It has felt good to clean some areas and make them look all sparkly.

For my 50th birthday I was going to get just the word yes. It was just a couple weeks before my birthday that M was diagnosed the first time with cancer.

I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook memories. 

This is exactly how it feels. All of it. 

You are going to see that I will use Michaela's name throughout these stories no matter when it happened. Here is why: Michaela was a woman.

I want to thank everyone who made it to the celebration of Michaela’s life last weekend. Thank you to everyone that helped. I couldn’t have done it without you all

This beautiful photo was taken today. This butterfly was flying around the gaming tables and then went to the front of the house greet.

I barely made it to the car after all the congratulations before tears hit. I am sure the people who parked next to me wondered what happened.

It was a rough day for me moving out of the master bedroom. Moving out of it meant another ending.

One of the things I needed to address that I have put off since Michaela died was a clothes hamper that sits in front of that shelving unit.

One day I am crying ugly messy tears where I can’t get out of bed.

I have had so much anger since the year anniversary of Michaela being gone.

I made some simple little bracelets after Michaela chose her new name.

All my sketchbooks and loose pieces of art had mildew and mold on them. I was ready to just throw it all out. Michaela said “absolutely not. This is YOU.”

Today I left the house in a rush. I had several errands before a doctors appointment. In my rush, I forgot my wedding rings.

This weekend I went through all the keys on M’s key ring. It’s clasp is getting old so I replace it before it breaks and I lose keys.

I was talking with my therapist yesterday about this.

It is such a difficult situation to watch your person be in such pain and trying or a better word - wanting to still fight the cancer.

I have photos from these last days with Michaela. They are so hard to look at. She was in so much pain.

Grief hits in these ways I never thought about. You think grief is just a general sadness of losing someone you love. Grief though comes in waves so strong they toss you in the ocean of feelings,