Darby 8/26/20 Darby 8/26/20

She Flies

Grieving in so many ways. Using this journal that reminded me of Michaela for writing out my grief as well as love letters to her which is part of my grief journey too.

Darby 8/10/20 Darby 8/10/20

Shows Up

Never know when things will remind me of Michaela. She sends me things to show me she is here with me.

Darby 8/5/20 Darby 8/5/20

Grief is like a Pebble

grief is like a pebble in my shoe

Darby 8/2/20 Darby 8/2/20

Breaking Heart

I don’t want to forget you. I hope my breaking heart can sustain our love and memories.

Darby 7/24/20 Darby 7/24/20

a month

It has been a month without you. I thought of you today and yesterday.

Darby 7/16/20 Darby 7/16/20

Hard Week

Last week was paperwork upon paperwork. I was cussing and feeling anger at myself and Michaela for not knowing enough about the actual paperwork end of her business.

Darby 7/12/20 Darby 7/12/20

Unfinished Sentiments

It is the last card I gave her. Then I went to my nightstand and pulled out a stack of cards I intended to give her.

Darby 7/2/20 Darby 7/2/20

Last Game

Michaela and I used to play board games when we were first together, but what happened is a common story. Ugly competitiveness and our love for each other reared up against each other.

Darby 7/1/20 Darby 7/1/20

A First of many

The first of each month since that month Michaela would wish me “Happy Anniversary.”

Darby 6/30/20 Darby 6/30/20

Mad

I am feeling mad at all the things you won’t get to do. I won’t get to do with you.

My list today…

Darby 6/29/20 Darby 6/29/20

Everything

Every morning I will wake up without you next to me

Every night I will go to bed and not be able to snuggle in next to you under the covers

Darby 6/27/20 Darby 6/27/20

Alone

How can I be here without you? How does a world exist without you in it? I won’t see your shadow next to me. I won’t see your smile as you turn to me, I won’t see YOU again.

Darby 6/26/20 Darby 6/26/20

My Butterfly

M came out to me as transgender in 2016. Although I wasn’t told until then, I had always known unconsciously from the moment we met. M felt like a woman trapped in a male body.

Darby 6/25/20 Darby 6/25/20

Tripping

Little things are sending me into a state of overwhelming sadness. I know she has only been gone 24 hours, but I am numb most of the time at the moment.

Darby 4/23/20 Darby 4/23/20

Caring Bridge - April 2020

Darby 4/23/20 Darby 4/23/20

Caring Bridge - April 2020

Darby 4/15/20 Darby 4/15/20

Caring Bridge - April 2020

I strive to be open, and authentic in my life, but I feel we all have layers that no one gets to see. When things are such a struggle, I tend to go quiet, and hide under the blankets in bed

Darby 4/10/20 Darby 4/10/20

Caring Bridge - April 2020

This week will go down as a bad one. Hard to find positives sometimes. Some positives are the fact: "hey I'm still breathing, can still walking, able to talk and do some things.

Darby 4/1/20 Darby 4/1/20

Caring Bridge - April 2020

Life really changed for us in 2020. Whether it was facing a new life-changing diagnosis or dealing with the COVID-19 virus.

Darby 3/30/20 Darby 3/30/20

Caring Bridge - March 2020

M and I were pretty much doing self isolation, before all this too, but of course this brings it to a new level.